I can't see what anyone can see (in anyone else)

how can i get you to love this place the way i do

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it's great when you find someone who likes you for who you are, but it's a rare thing to find someone who cries and laughs at and loves the same things you do

---

'I'm a student at Yana university, you know? And you're really pretty, Iwase. You're a thousand times smarter and better looking than Miyoshi.' 

'You're still going out with Miyoshi!' 

'Huh...? Yeah...' 

'If I'm a thousand times better than her, then go out with me.'

'I like Miyoshi a thousand times better.'

---

'Don't pretend that you still like me, you player!' 

'I told you, you've got it all wrong! I told Iwase that I liked you a thousand times more than her! Seriously! 

'Then what about compared to Aoki?!' 

'Hmm, three times.' 

'You took that seriously?! You are so retarded!
But it's more realistic that way, so I guess I'll believe you.' 

'Yeah, I like you more than anyone else in the world.' 

'Then take me to the zoo.' 

'What for...?!' 

'You just said you like me more than anyone else in the world..!'

dream of the 1980s

rakyat

Malay, from Arabic ra‘īyya ‘herd at pasture, subjects of a shepherd or king’.

blood sport

I don't believe in my own abilities enough to be a neurosurgeon, and I question the judgement and motives of those who do

---

maybe humans aren't built to be responsible for as many people as doctors are on a daily basis

---

Medical school makes you a certain way. It's a bit scary really. When my supervisor asks me how my attachment has been going and what skills I feel I'd like to practice more - I instantly think to myself, oh great, she cares. She wants to engage, and so I ramble on about hands on experience and feeling more competent as a doctor. She nods patiently with a great listening face and then later towards the end of the meeting fills in the 1st assessor meeting checklist by paraphrasing my words, and then my heart sinks a little. I was so convinced this doctor genuinely wanted to hear about how I'd been getting on. But no. She only asked so that she could fill in a form. Because this is her job.

Just today a 78 year old woman brought into the emergency department for a collapse was telling me about the sudden death of her 50 year old son on a scuba diving trip whose funeral she was scheduled to attend tomorrow - 4th family member to go in 3 weeks, she tells me, voice shaking and choking back tears

and all I can do is put on a sympathetic face and think:

I need to ask her about her cough

the impossible mission impossible (mission)

the fruits are ripe and rotting
out there on the vine
gotta reap what you sown right
gotta dig 'em up on time

boy, you got a good head
and son, you got heart
but your hands they still soft
and there's work to be done

and when the rain come in
don't you pay no mind, hear
let 'em clouds pass you by
they go 'way in no time

and when time comes
when you got sons of your own
remember tell 'em i love you
before they all grown

おかえり

いつも返したい

kinder than I seem, crueller than you think

brb trying to change who i am inside

---

i think nothing makes me sadder than looking closely at myself for a very long time

---

"weep with those who weep"

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1. stop wallowing
2. pick yourself up
3. try again
















4. I said stop wallowing

sometimes you need to see from many angles to appreciate one thing fully

watch this film with Japan soc and then watch it again with filmmaking soc

---

the reason I think [this documentary] is so good is because if I were to try to make the same thing, I know that no matter how hard or enthusiastically I try, I never in a million years would be able to make anything even half as good. that's because it's the director's vision, and a person's vision is something only they can realise or bring to life fully. A person creating something that cannot be improved upon by anyone else in any way - isn't that something to marvel at?

---

Japan is the land I feel I was made for. I feel this connection deep inside, like a resonating frequency, like the same dust that makes up its islands is in my bones. You know that feeling of moving away from your hometown and then coming back to visit as part of observing some cultural festival that is also a tradition - and that feeling of belonging. of being 'back'. I feel that way about Japan, a country I've only been to once, for a week, have never lived in, and only read about and seen on tv. But we cannot be together unless I go. She will not come to me. I must go to her, but going to her isn't easy. Which is the same as saying, we will never be together. And it frustrates me, because I know precisely what magnitude of joy that is eluding me - that is the exact amount of happiness I forfeit by allowing our separation.

日本は私を作られたのためにの場所のように何か感じている。その島を構成する同じホコリが私の骨の中にあるように、共振周波数のように、心の奥底この接続を感じます。そして所属のその気持ち - 故郷から離れて移動した後も伝統あるいくつかの文化祭を観察の一環として訪問するために戻ってくるその気持ち。「バック」と感じ。私は一度だけにしてきた週に、住んでいたことがありません国について、わずか約やテレビで見てだけのこと― 私は日本にそのように感じています。しかし！私が行く場合を除き、私たちは一緒にすることはできません。彼女は私に来ることはありません。私は彼女に行くが、彼女に行くことは容易ではない。言うと同じである、私たちは一緒になることはありません。それは没収幸福の正確な量を私たちの分離を可能にするのこと 、 そして私は私を逃亡される喜びのどんな大きさを正確知っているので、私を失望させます。

---

i'm more comfortable in English but maybe i'm happier in Japan

---

if Hayao Miyazaki were born in America do you think he'd still make great movies?


imagine if you spoke a language that wasn't designed to express the thing inside you that you have your entire life wanted to say - that would be pretty tragic, right?

you're gonna miss this

“I know that the thing I want is exactly the thing I can never get. The old life, the jokes, the drinks, the arguments, the lovemaking, the tiny, heartbreaking commonplace.”

— C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

---

- how long did it take you and Sobia to clean the house?
- hmmm not too long
- about 2 hours?
- yeah about there
- mmm  cause that's how long I was gone
- why?   feeling guilty?
-    nah  i was just thinking I should go to the gym more often


---

“When each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

---

real life is in the conversations you have in the kitchen, while washing the dishes. it's with the acquaintances you bump into in the hallway. it's in how you spend your free time. it's in the uncomfortable pause. it's in the supermarket checkout line. it's what happens while waiting for the bus, on the way to work. real life isn't what you see on the big screen. real life is behind the scenes. it's all the hours of tedium and difficult, unglamorous work.^{1 2} the parts of the Rocky montage that got left on the cutting room floor. the moments that nobody ever gets to see. it rarely comes prettily packaged as some great escape or adventure. it's not always the handsome prince. some monumental set piece lying in wait just around the corner. real life isn't a highlight reel. it's not a string of spectacular events and beautiful memories played back to back, one perfectly timed freeze-frame high-five after another. that's not what you should be aiming for at all.

the moments that truly matter are not always grand. life is something you create with the little moments, and it's dangerous to forget that. It's dangerous because if you keep expecting or looking for life to be what the movies and television advertisements keep trying to convince us is special or important, you'll end up on your deathbed never having actually lived. if you keep insisting that your life should look or happen to you a certain way, you're going to miss it. you're going to miss it completely.

---





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in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

- 1 Thessalonians 5:18

---

<sup>1. “True heroism is minutes, hours, weeks, year upon year of the quiet, precise, judicious exercise of probity and care—with no one there to see or cheer. This is the world.” - David Foster Wallace, The Pale King ↩
2. "And I submit that this is what the real, no-bull- value of your liberal-arts education is supposed to be about: How to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default-setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone, day in and day out. That may sound like hyperbole, or abstract nonsense. So let's get concrete. The plain fact is that you graduating seniors do not yet have any clue what “day in, day out” really means. There happen to be whole large parts of adult American life that nobody talks about in commencement speeches. One such part involves boredom, routine, and petty frustration." - David Foster Wallace, This is Water ↩</sup>

good luck out there

“True heroism is minutes, hours, weeks, year upon year of the quiet, precise, judicious exercise of probity and care—with no one there to see or cheer. This is the world.” 

- David Foster Wallace, The Pale King

ｋａｎｊｉｔｅベイビ